Okay. Im drafting this post at 1:08am 27 sept. and im playing th wrong song on WMP. Just th way you are by Bruno Mars. I feel fucking sucky right now. So this whole post would be me, whining about how my life sucks. Not those with patience, fuckoff! I don’t live to please you and if you don’t wanna hear about my problems, I don’t give a flying fuck!

Snuggled up in bed with my soft toy puppy (I seriously need a bigger soft toy, like th huge Beige bear). Suppose to be watching my 90210, but yah. Was texting G and maybe I pissed him off? But what he said really really hurt.

Paused my show and cried for a good 5mins. Seriously, idk what are we. If we are together, you have to keep in mind that you are 21, and im 17. I like you, I really like you. But you expected me to think th same thoughts as you? Im not a mind reader yoh.

[impossible – Shontelle playing now. Its like all the emo songs are out to get me tonight.]

Was I wrong to invite him to a FLAVAUDNIC outing? I wanted him to get to knw F and N (omg. I make them sound like a drink! At least I can still joke) they are important ppl in my life at this crucial point of time and if his gonna stay, he must knw them fast.

He said that I didn’t plan to meet him. It was just ‘sunbian’. Yes, that may be th case, but do I see you asking me out? I DON’T THINK SO. I read his reply once, and I don’t dare see it again. Didn’t reply, maybe its wrong and I will regret it but, wth, its better than replying sth stupid(which I prolly will) and pissing him off more. Maybe he wil just think that I fallen asleep or sth. I cant really repeat whats in th msg, because I cant rmb and stabbing me in th heart right now would just be less painful that asking me to read it again (hello, I cried after reading his reply)

Maybe im just not made for relationships. I suck at those! None of my guys last more then a month. Its pathetic, I know. Maybe I will just be one of those women that grows old and when I cant look after myself, my nieces and nephews would send me to an old folks home and I will die alone. Is destined. I have a bad life. Happiness never stays with me long. Its proven.

[DJ got us fallin’ in love – Usher playing now. OMG totally wrong song]

I seriously don’t knw why im ranting, but I guess thats why I created a blog in th first okay. { its been one hour since his text. He haven text me again, nor have I replied him } And I will feeling fucking dumb if he does not think of me th way I want him to. You can just kill me there and then.

OHOH. And FYI, shows and fairytales totally brought our dreams to high up into th sky! It doesn’t fly like that in th real world honey. Girls hearts will be broken and guys will be jerks! Good guy don’t exsist!

I guess that’s enough whining for th post. Abit lengthy I guess? But, yah. Ima mad hungry, insomiatic teenage girl living in a strict parenting household. Go figure. *Sigh* 90210 totally cheered up me! HAHA. Its a nice show. Everyone shld watch it! Hmm. Gonna meet F and N at 12 @ IKEA. Hope I can catch some Zzzs.

(okay. He texted me again at around 4am. [obviously i was aslp already. you can check twitter] i detest sarcasm! Although thats my forte~ but still? was i ever sarcastic to you? ): )

Achluophobia- Fear of darkness.
i guess im Achluopobic then.

♥ 3:01 PM